Nervous breakdown, understanding it better to get out of it better

Depression what is it?

It is a mental disorder characterized by a deep sense of emptiness, self-deprecation, fatigue, lack of concentration, sadness, urge to cry for no apparent reason, low libido, sleep and diet, isolation, lack of interest or motivation or even suicidal thoughts. If you recognized yourself in these symptoms, you probably suffer from depression. Very disabling on a daily basis, this disorder is not incurable.

In case of suicidal thoughts do not wait and contact the following emergency numbers:

Samu 15 or 112 (European number)

Understand what's going on in your head

We usually say "I'm depressed", as if it were something that defines us. However, this depression that you feel, only translates into feelings such as demotivation, devaluation, guilt, sadness, helplessness, failure, pessimism, fatalism, negativity... it does a lot and it hurts but that doesn't define you as a person.

Part of your pain is because you think the depression is your fault. You think that since you can't control your depression, it must mean that something is wrong with you.

Depression then takes root in your negative thoughts.

You will notice that you are not depressed 100 percent of the time, there are (albeit few) moments of respite and often these moments come when you are distracted from your thoughts.

So logically if you have negative thoughts you are depressed and if you no longer have these thoughts, you are no longer. Easy you tell me!

The problem with these thoughts is not their existence but rather the fact that you believe they are true and that you give them your full attention.

If you really think about it, you can neither prevent these thoughts, nor control them, nor stop believing that they are true. So it's actually totally out of your control.

So how can something beyond your control be your fault? Well yes you see, being in a depressed state is not your fault.

The two types of thoughts that cause depression are: I don't like myself and/or I don't like my situation.

1. I do not love myself :

If you don't love yourself and that feeling triggers depression, then that should make you think there's really something wrong with you. You will therefore think that you have good reasons not to love yourself.

Again, just because you feel depressed doesn't mean the thought causing your depression is true!

Example: a friend calls you to tell you that your car has been stolen, you will have a feeling of worry, fear, anger... but if he then tells you that it was only a joke, you feel relieved and the feeling of worry will disappear as if it never existed.

In this example the car wasn't actually stolen, but you believed it for a moment. That's what triggered the negative feelings and as soon as you found out it wasn't true, you felt better and the negative feeling didn't come back.

The diagram is therefore: Having negative thoughts - believing them - feeling devaluing negative emotions - becoming unproductive - having negative thoughts...

Very dangerous this vicious circle that feeds on itself drags you into the depths of depression. But if we manage to destroy a single link in this chain which is belief, then it will already be the beginning of healing because in fact you don't love yourself because you think you're useless and not because you really are!

Little exercise:

Ask yourself what you don't love me about you? You think you suck, not funny, not attractive, you're a loser who gives up all the time, who's afraid, who doesn't achieve his goals, that no one loves you...

Now find an example, one example, once that will prove you wrong.

You see ? There exists somewhere, a possibility that you are not what you think you are.

2. I don't like my situation

Unless you are in a precarious situation that requires external support (in this case contact the nearest social services for help), you can always take a step back and reassess your situation. If you don't like it, it's probably because you have a fixed idea of ​​what it should be, what you think is good or bad and what you think is expected of you.

However, when we are depressed, our vision of what is good or not is often distorted. Determining that a situation is bad in your life is your point of view, which in most cases is biased by a diminished image you have of yourself.

Making the sad observation that such and such a thing is not going well in your life and that such and such an event is bad for you amounts to telling yourself that you anticipate that things will go wrong in the future. But we agree that no one can predict the future. You have to learn to give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

Example: you are not accepted at the school you wanted to go to and you think you will miss a year of your life. This same year, you might discover a new path much more in line with who you are.

We are not saying that is what will happen, we are saying that it is possible. And the fact of believing that something positive can result from an event that is a priori negative is already a good start.

In most cases if you are not happy with your situation it is because you think that there is only one model of success and therefore of happiness. If you don't conform to this pattern then you think you are worthless.

Currently we live in an increasingly competitive world with very high standards of living. Basically, if at 30 you are not married with 2 children, a boy and a girl, that you do not live in a nice house with a nice car that you do not travel at least twice a year and that you do not have not a position of responsibility where you feel fulfilled and which pays you big… well you're nothing. And in addition you have to prove all that supporting photos to post on insta!

So what do you think? Is this model the only standard model of happiness for all humans on the planet? Is this model valid in all cultures of the world?

Your way of living your life is neither better nor worse than another, it's just one possibility among others and nothing prevents you from accepting your life as it is if you like it or to say stop, this life does not suit me and to change it radically.

The weight of society, of friends, of family, of what will be said about it… Causes you to perhaps get stuck in a pattern that is not necessarily good for you. But the truth is that you can't please everyone and that the number one priority, and that's universal, is physical and mental health.

What do I need to be happy?

Ask yourself the question of what is the thing you would like to have, do, feel or accomplish more than anything in the world. Some will say a good job, others a stable love relationship, a beautiful home, but in reality what we are all after is inner peace and lasting happiness.

Unfortunately, we often confuse the object of desire with the feeling that goes with obtaining this object of desire.

We think it's what we don't have that makes us unhappy, but in reality it's our negative thoughts that make us unhappy. Thoughts of guilt shame fear anger worry. It's never the fact of not being in a relationship or not having the job of your dreams that makes us unhappy, but rather the fact of feeling incapable and unworthy of being loved.

The fear of disappointing is often the cause of many people's unhappiness. Child we are afraid of disappointing our parents, teenager we are afraid of no longer being part of the group of friends, adult we are afraid of never having a partner or never finding the job of our dreams and then we start to be disappointed yourself and your love for yourself begins to diminish.

Everyone has the right to make mistakes and no one is perfect. The main thing is to get up when you fall and since falling is inevitable, then you have to accept it. There is no faultless course.

Beware, however, of depression linked to a serious illness or bereavement, these require special care in collaboration with a health professional.

But in fact, what is happiness?

Happiness is a state of satisfaction characterized by its stability and durability. To be happy and achieve this stable and lasting feeling of satisfaction, you have to detach yourself from the myth of the perfect life.

For starters, you're going to have to admit that you're not a hopeless, isolated case. If we don't get out of it, it's often because we think we don't deserve to get out of it because:

• The point of view we have of your situation is biased
• We think if we feel bad it must be true
• If we had value we would already be happy

Now you know, these are all just thoughts that only exist in your head. This feeling of emptiness does not mean that you have no value. There is no causal link between these 2 things.

This feeling arises from insecurity, from the fear of not being good enough or of losing what you have, but this insecurity, again, does not determine your value as a human being.

Rebuilding a good self-image

Some people manage to get out of depression on their own, others need help, especially in case of trauma. There is no harm in turning to a health professional if you feel the need and there are many therapies to get you out of this state. Your psychologist or psychiatrist will determine with you which one best suits your case.

Antidepressants act chemically on your brain and can be a “crutch” to help you get through this. But to think that antidepressants are a long-term solution is to keep a broken leg thinking that the crutch will fix the fracture.

Beware of the consumption of alcohol or drugs, these psychotropic substances can act chemically on your brain and cause depressive states. If you have a drug or alcohol problem you can contact specialized addiction services to help you get out of it.

To regain self-confidence, you must:

• Set small, easily achievable goals to boost your self-esteem;
• Rewarding yourself when you get there, with a little compliment out loud (well done, I'm proud of you, it was hard but you succeeded…) it may seem ridiculous but it has its effect;
• Promote activities in which you already feel comfortable to see yourself progress;
• Repeating to yourself that you are not guilty of not succeeding at everything, no one is perfect and no one expects you to be perfect;
• Restore social ties and gradually find activities with friends to get out of loneliness. There's no shame in calling a friend or family member when you're feeling down, they're there for that too. You can also call them when you feel good, it will help you to relieve your guilt when you call them and you are feeling bad;
• Avoid the toxic people around you who can give you a negative image of yourself and in the longer term learn to detach yourself from their opinion;
• Take stock of what you find good in your life and what you want to change to find your way alone or with a coach;
• Realize that life is made up of ups and downs and accept it to better cope with it;
• Treat yourself to little pleasures to relearn how to enjoy doing yourself good (a little box of chocolate if you like that, a massage, new clothes, etc.)
• Tidying up your living space will not only help you to feel satisfaction but also to have clearer ideas by living in a pleasant environment.

Little by little and by repeating these gestures until they become habits, your brain will detach itself from the depressive functioning mechanisms to give way to a healthier mental structure.